When is it Time to Get a Divorce?

September 30, 2019

This is one of the hardest questions anyone can ask, but it is essential.

If you’ve been thinking about divorce, you’ve probably already seen experts quote the national divorce rate – about 50% – as a reason why you should avoid it.

Yes, it might be surprising the divorce rate is 50%. However, there are many good reasons for it:

People are more alert to the signs of physical and emotional abuse than before.
People have greater access to support networks to help them leave a bad marriage.
Fewer people feel that they are “stuck” in a bad marriage due to financial reasons.

All these are good things. Choosing divorce when a marriage is clearly not working is healthy for you and your spouse. It can also be an important first step to co-parenting successfully.

Red Flags That Demand Your Attention

When we ask “When is it time to get a divorce?” there’s something else we’re asking: Which behaviors constitute ups and downs of a healthy relationship and which are red flags?

Only you can decide if divorce is warranted. However, there are some situations where it’s wise to think deeply about your options.

These include:

1. You Have Been Threatened or Harmed by Physical Abuse

Physical abuse does not tend to happen early in a relationship, but emerges over time, when the emotional stakes of the abused partner are high. Once it begins, it almost always develops into a pattern of behavior. Mental illness, substance abuse, and other factors may be involved.

2. You Have Suffered Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse takes many forms. It often starts with name-calling and belittling. This can lead to other controlling behavior: Separating you from family and friends, for example. This abuse is calculated to reduce your ability to get help.

3. You Are Always Fighting With Your Spouse

Many factors can put pressure on a relationship that, over time, leads to a toxic environment. Whatever the case, yelling, slamming doors, “silent treatment” and other intimidation tactics are a sign that your marriage may have become unstable.

4. Your Spouse is Engaging in Unsafe Behaviors

Risky behaviors can include things like gambling, drug use, or unwise investments. If a person cannot discuss these actions and change, the risk is only likely to grow over time. Be especially wary if a spouse is deceptive or evasive.

5. There Has Been an Affair

It’s certainly true some marriages continue after an affair. We urge you, however, to think about whether that is right for you. At minimum, an affair can completely end trust in the marriage. If the behavior doesn’t change, a choice has been made.

6. Nothing Else is Working

When a marriage shows early signs of difficulty, there are many options. Counseling can help a couple understand, support, and communicate with each other. Interventions like these should clear the path to a healthier relationship. If they fail, alternatives need to be considered.

Ohio is a No-Fault Divorce State: What That Means for You

To obtain a no-fault divorce in Ohio, you must demonstrate you are incompatible with your spouse and you have lived separately for at least one year.

If one spouse disagrees, however, you must present fault grounds to a court. This includes things like adultery, cruelty, habitual drunkenness, and certain types of fraud.

To protect yourself in a divorce proceeding, discuss your situation with an attorney right away. When it is clear you are ready to defend your rights, a spouse may be more willing to accept a simple, “no-fault” option.