January 26, 2021

Divorce is a difficult situation. Dealing with a difficult spouse during a divorce can make things so much worse. Your spouse may try to play the victim and paint you in a poor light, may try to manipulate you, or may attempt to drag out issues that could be resolved with compromise during the process. Some people react very poorly to divorce and may try to intentionally make things as difficult as possible as “punishment”. It is not an easy process, but if you keep moving forward, there are things you can do to make it better.

Document Everything

When it comes to dealing with a difficult spouse during a divorce, the primary piece of advice is to document everything. A spouse who exaggerates, fabricates, or omits information can put you in a very difficult position if there is no hard evidence to back up your side. Get everything you can in writing. This includes:

•   Time spent with the children.
•   Money taken from a joint account.
•   Communication about the children.

It is important to stay organized and keep complete logs of communication. Text messaging can be difficult, but there are programs that are intended to help divorced parents communicate about the children in a way that is tracked thoroughly.

Hire an Attorney

When dealing with a difficult spouse, you need the support of an experienced attorney. An attorney who specializes in divorce and family law can help neutralize difficult situations and will be on your side to advocate on your behalf. Finding the right attorney is one of the most important things you can do in divorce, especially when dealing with a difficult spouse.

Focus on the Future, Not the Past

You most likely would not be dealing with this divorce if your past wasn’t painful. However, when you are in the process of divorce, focus on moving forward rather than rehashing the hard times of the past. While it can be difficult to let go of the relationship, the best thing you can do is move forward. Rather than go back to the same arguments that led you to this place, focus on getting through the process. Do not engage with your spouse on old arguments, especially when you are on the clock with your attorney.

A Therapist Can Help

There are many therapists who can help you deal with a spouse who may be controlling, manipulative, or difficult during the divorce process. A therapist will allow you to vent about your frustrations without being able to hold those frustrations against you. A therapist will also allow you to see if you are contributing to the difficult situation and help you work through them positively.

Focus on How to Deal with a Difficult Spouse After Divorce

If you have kids, your communication with your spouse will not end when the divorce is finalized. You will need to be in contact with your spouse to coordinate custody issues, appointments, and other important information about your children. For the best outcome:

•   Try to avoid modifying the custody or visitation arrangements for the first year. Routine will be best for your children, and you need time to adjust before deciding for sure if the plan isn’t workable.
•   Have a plan ready if you suspect your former spouse may try to manipulate visitation.
•   Always communicate in a rational, non-emotional way, especially when communicating in writing, and continue to document everything.

One of the most important lessons you will learn is that you cannot control how others act, especially during difficult times. You can only control how you respond, react, and behave yourself. Leave your venting for your therapist and friends, let your attorney handle the messiest parts, and document everything. This situation will pass, and if you focus on your own behavior, you can move forward more easily toward a brighter future. If you’re going through a difficult divorce and you’re looking for an experienced divorce attorney to help you, contact my office today.