Divorce is hard on the whole family, but it can be especially hard on teens. All children struggle with their new normal as the child custody agreement is developed, but teens are beginning to assert their independence and they often feel like they should have a say in how their role in the family is defined. While you may understand this, it’s also important to inform your teens on how the legal system will work throughout the divorce process and how the child custody agreement is drafted.
First, it’s important to understand the two types of custody arrangements in Ohio: 1) sole custody with visitation or 2) shared parenting. Most teenagers do best with shared parenting. Raising teenagers can be difficult, and it’s generally believed that having both parents actively involved during the teen years is a must. Additionally, shared parenting requires communication between parents, and communicate between parents will keep teens from playing one side against the other.
When the children involved are younger, the primary decisions around joint custody are the parents’ schedules. The children will fit into those schedules, as their own responsibilities are not as inflexible. However, teens are managing much more as they go through their high school years. They are dealing with increased pressure at school, sports, extracurricular activities, and part-time jobs. As teens begin to build their schedules and manage their responsibilities, parents should look at the schedule with their teens to find the right split for time.
As your teen matures, their opinion should hold more weight. Teens should be able to voice their concerns and opinions about custody as the agreement is being developed. When you demonstrate to your teen that their wants and needs are important, that will help build a strong bond. Many parents worry that their teen will reject one parent or the other during these years, wanting the freedom they believe one parent will allow or taking sides, but often, teens are simply trying to have a say in their life, which has been steered into a new direction. Many parents find that having their teen work with them as a partner is the best way to develop a custody agreement that works for everyone involved and allows the teen to have a strong relationship with both parents.
When you involve your teen in the decision, it’s also important to educate them on how the agreement works. A fight with mom or dad doesn’t mean that they can change the agreement. When you are discussing the agreement, talk about how the judge will have the ultimate decision and let them know how that agreement will be enforced, as well as what to do when the agreement needs to be changed. When your teen is old enough to have a voice, they are also old enough to understand the details of the system.
Ohio law allows Judges to take a child’s opinions about custody into account when developing the child custody agreement. In fact, some courts will require the child’s opinion to be voiced. Sometimes, especially if the divorce is not friendly, a judge may use a custody evaluator or a guardian ad litem to meet with the teens and get a sense of their wants and needs. While your teen may not get exactly what they want, it is possible – and even preferable – for them to have a say in the custody agreement. If you’re going through a divorce and you are struggling through a custody agreement, contact my office today.