Emotions run high during divorce. Sorrow, anxiety, and anger are all common feelings you will encounter throughout the process. While dealing with your own emotions is challenging, dealing with your ex-spouse’s can be even worse. An angry spouse can turn an already stressful process into an unbearable one. When you are dealing with a difficult divorce, you need to stay focused as you navigate to keep your own emotional well-being intact.
It is not your responsibility to manage your ex-spouse’s emotions during a divorce. You should not try to pacify your spouse’s anger. Dealing with an angry spouse can be such a challenge that many will try to either give that spouse whatever they want to make them go away, or to dig their heels in and fight harder to prove them wrong. In both aspects, you are fighting for control over emotions that are not your responsibility. You cannot control how others feel, but you can control your response to their feelings.
During an argument, most people have the initial response to refute – volleying the issue back to the other person. But this is not always the most effective way. In the case of a divorce, start by trying to understand where the anger is coming from. Anger comes from many different places. Some are angered by an action, such as infidelity. Some are angered because they have lost control of their family. And more are angered because they feel that their spouse is making unfair demands. In all these situations, the anger may be hiding other emotions such as sorrow, fear, or guilt. Once you understand where the anger is coming from, you can respond in a more thoughtful and productive way. Anger is a natural part of the grieving process, and divorce is a situation where many grieve the loss of their previous life.
Responding quickly is often not the right choice. Outbursts are rarely productive in a divorce. Many spouses exhibiting anger at the divorce may lash out with statements like “I’m going to take everything,” or “I’ll make sure you never see the kids again”. But making threats in anger doesn’t mean they can carry them out. Panicking or escalating the argument is never helpful. Take the time to breathe, then contact your attorney about the legal outcomes of whatever the threat was. Waiting will often allow you to calm down and formulate the right response instead of whatever your initial thoughts may be.
If your spouse was abusive or controlling, you may be used to tiptoeing around a volatile spouse to avoid setting them off. In this case, it is much healthier to be divorced, but a controlling spouse who is losing control can be dangerous. Often, they will lash out and become unpredictable. In this case, make sure you have spoken with your attorney about the best way to protect yourself and your children.
Navigating a divorce is emotional and difficult, but having a healthy divorce when your spouse is angry can be an extra challenge. Try to stay as positive as you can about moving forward, take care of your physical health, and make sure to always take the time to control your own responses to the situation at hand. Lean on your support network and your attorney to work through the end of your marriage in a healthy way. Divorce is never easy, and an experienced divorce attorney will be invaluable to you throughout the process. If you’re going through a divorce and you’re looking for an attorney to represent you, contact my office today.