April 22, 2022

Even when both spouses agree to end the marriage, divorce can still be difficult. If one spouse wants a divorce and the other doesn’t, filing for divorce can feel like a betrayal and will often catch one spouse completely off guard. If you don’t want a divorce but your spouse does, there is not much you can do to stop it, but there are things you can do to protect yourself.

Can I Stop the Divorce?

It takes two people to save a marriage, but only one to end it. All fifty states allow for no-fault divorce, which means that the couple can agree to divorce without placing blame on one party or the other, but more importantly, that they do not need to provide a reason for the divorce. In nearly all cases, if one person starts filing for divorce, there will be a divorce, whether the other spouse wants it or not. In some cases, there may be a waiting period between filing for divorce and the final settlement, but the divorce will eventually be final and it’s best to focus on having a healthy separation.

What Should I Do If My Spouse Files for Divorce?

The first step is to stay calm. You are likely feeling blindsided and anxious, as well as processing grief and anger. When we are overly emotional, we do not make good decisions. Do whatever you can to calm yourself down so you can focus on thinking clearly. The next thing to do is talk to your spouse. Talk to them, calmly, about what brought them to the decision and if there is any room for reconciliation, such as counseling. However, if your spouse has begun the filing process and retained a lawyer, you need to focus on protecting yourself. Find and talk to an attorney as soon as you can. They can be a trusted guide to help you through the process and protect your interests. If you’ve been blindsided by a divorce you don’t want, you have likely not done any research on the process, and you need an attorney to help you navigate the next steps.

You Can Have a Healthy Divorce

If your spouse has filed for divorce, you need to commit to a process that will allow for the healthiest divorce you can have. If you try to slow the process by refusing to sign papers, turn over documents, or avoid meetings, things will likely backfire. Instead of keeping your marriage, you are likely to have a spouse who is even more angry and frustrated, which will make the divorce process even worse for everyone. Get the support you need to take control of the process, which will allow for a healthy divorce. Ask your spouse for a respectful process and try to go through mediation rather than the courts.

You don’t want to be married to someone who doesn’t want to be married to you. Divorce is a life crisis, and you will grieve the end of your marriage, even if it wasn’t a happy marriage. If you didn’t see the divorce coming, it’s normal to feel a great sense of loss. Take care of yourself with emotional support, self-care, and most importantly, a good attorney looking out for you. Unfortunately, not all marriages can be saved, especially when both parties don’t agree to reconcile. It’s important to remember there is life after divorce, even if you never dreamed you’d be in this situation. If you’re going through a divorce that you don’t want, I can help you prepare for a healthy process. Contact my office today.